I figured I should start writing again to relieve the stresses I have and to tell of my new outlook on life.
We'll start with school. So far school is pretty much like normal, boring, not really exciting, hate some teachers, like others. That's pretty much all there is to it. Though it's really my social life around school that's changed, and hopefully for the better. My brother had found this group of christians, of all varieties, of different backgrounds, different majors, etc. They are a group of really interesting people, and I noticed ever since my brother started hanging out with these people that he's not only gotten a lot of new friends, but his faith in God has grown stronger, and I really wanted that too. I've always believed in God, but I never really thought about taking the time to know Him and the stuff most people do. But I really wanted to get to know who He is and what He's like, so I started a slow transition into the group, which started last year. The group has free dinners on tuesday evenings called Family Meal, and anyone is invited. My brother asked me one time if I wanted to go along, and I did. This all started about the middle of January. I'd only go to the meals and not to the other events, because it was all kinda still new to me and too different. But as I came to be on main campus full time I decided that I should start trying to become fully integrated into the group, I felt that I was ready to really begin believing again. I went to the big cookout the tuesday of the first week of school and it was awesome, I really tried to introduce myself personally to everyone. And my brother asked if I wanted to go to the Crosswalk worship session on thursday nights. This event I was sketchy about last year, but I felt that if I really did want to know more about God I'd have to try it out at least, and if it wasn't for me then I didn't have to go. But I went, and I really started to feel more fulfilled. I started to feel like I found something that was really missing in my life.
I've really gotten involved with this group and I know most of the people in it now, and new people come quite frequently. Though, of course with a new group of people and broken hearts from the past that come back to haunt you certainly do. I've started falling into my old routine, which I should really try to break. I've started falling for a few of the girls, some new, some that were new last year. I, not really being someone that people really like right off the bat, don't know what to do about it. I could start going after one girl, going slowly at first of course, but what I've decided to do is just try my best to be myself and see how all the girls react, and see if any show something, idk what exactly, but just something that might mean they could be interested. All the girls each have something in particular that I like in a girl, and all of them have different parts. What would be the perfect scenario would be if there was one girl with everything that I like, but I'm never gunna be that lucky. There is one girl I kinda like more than the others, but knowing my luck I seriously doubt that will work out, also considering that there are guys in the group that girls would find more appeasing. I'm such a hopeless romantic it's not funny. It's sad actually. That's why I feel, a lot of times, that I should just give up trying, act like I don't care if someone likes me or not. But look at me, searching for God and I find temptation in desperation for my own someone. You could call it being "love starved." Though, I think a lot of the reasons I might be desperate is that I really might just want to know if it is possible for a girl to like me in that way, that I'm not destined to be alone for the rest of my life.
Anyways, I'll go back to Crosswalk. At crosswalk, there've been speakers that've made me analyze my relationship with God and everyone and see how bad it actually is and that it could be better. The stuff some of them have talked about, just hit home to me. And at church too, when the priest gives his homily. I've started listening, and he seems to be speaking to me a lot of the time, it hits that hard. I just hope everything is going to fall into place. I pray that I won't be alone, that I'll have someone to share the rest of my life with. But, who knows, it's not my plan that's supposed to be followed. Things aren't going to happen my way. Things are only going to happen God's way. All's I can do is obey and pray that He'll cut me some slack every now and again, throw me a bone, if that clarifies what I'm trying to say. If anyone does read this, and has any advice on anything, whether it be ways to strengthen my relationship with God, or with girls, or with people in general, I'm all ears... or eyes in the case of blogs...
'Til Then.
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